Today I got to see the picture of a co-worker holding her son for the first time. She is adopting from Ethiopia too and is currently in the country waiting for the courts to officially grant her mommyhood! An unbrideled mix of jealousy, enouragment, and awe flooded my emotions all at once. Somehow, I was able to keep the tears in check (no patient wants to see their nurse blubbering through the halls) and keep myself together till tonight, when I'm sure with a cup of tea in hand I will take a moment with myself and let 'em flow.
The wait is hard. It just is. And while watching those ahead of me in the process gives me hope to a blessed reunion day, I can't help but feel like the last kid picked for the kickball team. Is it my turn yet??
Yet I know, and more than knowing, I believe that my God has my time in the game planned out with perfect sequencing and perfect grace. In case you're unaware of this fact, we nurses are control-freaks. And even though I am reminded daily that the building of our family is out of my hands, I still find myself trying to orchastrate like a conductor without sheet music. Ridiculous! Thank you Father for your patience with me :) I'm using my full quota these days :)
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