Hana ("Hannah"): Grace of God - chosen by her birth mother
Ryan: of Royalty - my middle name
This might be my favorite picture of her (although I am having trouble deciding and you can see why)
Notice the food on her face :)
Its been almost one week since becoming a family of three. (We didn't pass court while in Ethiopia, and apparently crying in front of the judge doesn't help...) Hana became a Hicks one day before her 1st birthday. So as high as my emotions soared on that day, as elated as I felt to become a mom for the first time (probably the happiest day of my life) I flat out crashed and burned not 24 hours later. What goes up must come down right? Grieving the loss of her first birthday only opened pandora's box to all of the moments and memories this momma has missed in the last 365 days of her daughter's life. It was like a light switch went off. Nothing could console my heart as I mourned the empty baby book pages and photo albums that told of Hana's first 12 months. This is how pathetic it got...the cake in the shape of a "1" that I stayed up late into the night of the 15th to make...I threw it in the garbage the next day in a dramatic gesture of defeat. Oh, how I wish I was stronger. I wish I could've pulled it together. It shouldn't be that difficult to frost a cake, blow out a candle and smile for a camera, right? The evening ended with my head buried in my husband's shoulder, kleenex in hand and no dessert to boot.
I continue to learn with a tender and grateful heart that in my weakness, He is made strong. Praise Jesus! He has had the opportunity to show His strength often in all of the 5 days I have been a mother so far :) Everyone has said, but I suppose I was hoping somehow it wouldn't be true for me, that this time period (between court and embassy) is the hardest time in the adoption process. Boy were they ever right! Imagining Hana halfway across the globe growing and changing without me, makes me....CRAZY!!! I mean, look at this girl
Lord Jesus, I pray for divine peace as we wait for our girl to come home into our arms. Fill us with true faith as we trust in your sovereign plan for our family. You are the Author of our story and we trust you with the beginning, middle and end. All to Your glory Lord.
I will write more of the trip soon, but let me leave this post with more pictures of our miracle baby girl :)
I wanna give you a hug!!! I'm going to make that happen soon. I'm so very happy and sad for you all at the same time. Sending love, hoping to see you soon...
ReplyDeleteOh my friend! I know your hurting heart, but most of all God knows it...and He has such big shoulders to cry on...HE understands. I pray she'll be back in your arms soon. Love you! xoxo
ReplyDeleteChris
My heart breaks for you!!!! Know you're in my prayers...and if you ever need to vent to someone who knows EXACTLY how you feel, email me! tarardunn@gmail.com. Hana is so beautiful!!!! I love the one of you holding her in your lap and you both have the biggest smiles on your faces. As soon as I saw that pic, I thought "promise fulfilled"...and what incredible JOY that brings!
ReplyDeleteShe is beautiful!!! Thank you for sharing the birthday cake story. Praying to bring her home quickly to her momma.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite pic is of mama and daughter together, huge smiles on both faces! You are right. It is agonizing. There is no other way to process the wait btwn. court and embassy. Praying for your heart as you wait!
ReplyDeleteHana is absolutely beautiful and she looks like such a happy girl. (Did you know our daughter's ET name is also Hana?) You are in my thoughts and prayers. Praying for an abundance of GRACE to be poured out for you during this season of waiting.
ReplyDeleteLove seeing this update. The pictures are precious! Praying for you guys and hoping I get to see you soon! Will email after the holiday.
ReplyDeleteYay! What a beautiful little girl and a beautiful family!!!
ReplyDeleteI keep coming back to this post to leave a comment only to remember that I can't comment from my phone. :) Today, sitting in front of an actual computer, I am finally able to comment.
ReplyDeleteI am in love with this post. Everything abou tit. Your joy, your sadness and the honesty that allows you to write about it all. Hana is gorgeous and I can't wait until you are able to hold her again.
That blue/green outfit she is wearing in some of the pictures is Eden's outfit, by the way. We dressed her in it when we celebrated her 1st birthday together at the Thomas Center. Not her actual birthday, but we made it work. :) Anyway, so glad to see it being put to good-- and very adorable-- use!